Do you still have your period?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
