He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
