I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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