Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
