I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize