I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
