the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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