When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
