sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
