I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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