All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
