Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
PANTIES FOUND
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