they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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