Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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