Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
