The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
