pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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