He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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