It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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