alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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