You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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