Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
