What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
