Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I will be naked everywhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
