so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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