We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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