i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
