somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
