but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
