I think i sorta joined a cult last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
