I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
