I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
