Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
