I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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