My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
