1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
