Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love having hate sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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