First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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