I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
