so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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