just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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