This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
