It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
