All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
