guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
