Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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