You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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