if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
