Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
