Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
