i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
