I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
