So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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