mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
