That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
