Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
