hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
