11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
