in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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