I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
