i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
