do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
