I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
