i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
