we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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