I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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