Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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