My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
