There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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