You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
