i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
