Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just shotgunned beers for America
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
