i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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