I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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