nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you never un-have a 4some
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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