White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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