I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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