the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize